Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Valentines day is coming so I thought we’d do a relationship show! As you all know I was dating someone over the holidays, we met online and with encouragement from my friends I said yes to a date. The date was nice I had reservations from the beginning (Come on the guy got the dates wrong for our first official date and almost stood me up!) but for some reason I was drawn to him. He seemed like a breath of fresh air, completely different than other guys I’ve dated which threw me for a loop and made me feel completely unsure about this man. Was he going to change one day and act just like the rest of them? Was he just putting up a front? Was there really a man out there that embodied that many of the qualities I was searching for? Was there a man out there that held even more? I wasn’t sure but I was sure that I didn’t want to do anything to lose this man because what I knew I liked and I wanted to continue to learn more. As I continued to learn more I began to like him more but I felt like he kept dropping bomb after bomb on me like a test, can she handle this? Boom! Can she handle this? Boom! He was so just so funny, caring and attentive I wanted to keep going forward and see if this could go somewhere. Having been with my ex and going through that break up I obviously built up some walls we had issues early on because he felt like I wasn’t opening up to him. Which I admit is true, I need to move a little slower in relationships. He was extremely patient in the beginning which was great but as time went on he started to feel more and more frustrated. He eventually became distant and realizing it I quoted one of my fave movies and told him "I feel like you’re just not that into me!" He said it wasn’t true he was going through something and just needed some time. I told him cool I’ll give you space, little did I know I was giving him space to date other girls. While we were dating I told him I was okay with it if he was dating other girls, I’m not stupid we’re adults we are trying to find someone we can grow old with and if that’s not me go out there and find her. But in the mean time we all obviously need some time to figure it out right? Had he been honest with me and said I’m dating someone else I would have been okay with it but he wasn’t he didn’t mention it I felt lied to, I felt like I was played for a fool and I ended it. Reflecting on the situation I realized that had I not pushed him away and had I let my walls down sooner things might not have ended up this way. All he wanted was more of my time and attention but I was afraid to give it to him. I personally feel like it’s my fault things have turned out this way but I do feel like the timing just wasn’t right. I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted and when I was he wasn’t willing to give it to me. I do think he is an awesome man and I know he will find a great girl that will give him the time he deserves and I just hope that I find a man that has some of the qualities he showed me. At this time I’m not ready to date anyone else cuz I’m still bummed about the way this turned out but I know eventually I’ll be ready and hopefully my dream man will be ready for me!